Parenting is a complex, challenging endeavor which can be so rewarding and frustrating at the same time. I was blessed with great parents, knowledgeable professors and friends who walked the halls of parenting before me. I found their knowledge and experience to be so very helpful during my parenting days. I’ll share some of their tips and some of mine here in this Parenting Corner.
Parents all have times when they need to hold conversations with other adults with the children present. That can often present a challenge if some groundwork hasn’t been laid.
I could tell when I didn’t properly prepare my children for what I expected of them before we went somewhere, had others over to our home or tried a new adventure. One can’t always prepare them for everything, but for the majority of life’s experiences, preparation beforehand can save a multitude of potential problems.
Parents and teachers always need to make sure that their expectations are communicated and understood before the desired activity takes place. This will often save frustration on the parents’ part and keep interruptions to a minimum.
For instance…If I were going to go to another adult’s house in order to discuss something, I would ask my children to sit down and listen to me either before we left our house or during the drive over to the desired destination. I would explain the purpose for the visit and help them to understand that adults need to converse without interruptions. I would tell them that they would be going with me and during the time of the conversation, I would need them to entertain themselves.
I would then give them some choices. They could choose something to take with them like a book or toy, or I would give them some ideas of quiet games they could play with each other which didn’t require an adult to participate or referee.
It is also important to let them know what will occur if their behavior is not proper. For instance, “If you get loud or too wild, you will need to sit by me in total silence for 5 minutes before joining the other kids.” Parents need to choose their consequences beforehand and communicate it to their kids.
Children need direction and usually welcome it. They like knowing what is going to happen when they are going somewhere or something new is going to be happening.
All too often, the activity gets started and the kids want the attention of the adults or they start exploring a new place. After they have scoped it out, they get bored and want to do something. Very few children or adults ever want to just sit quietly with nothing to do. Yelling at them to leave the room or go away doesn’t solve anything.
The situation starts to deteriorate quickly and the children start to run around, getting wild and noisy. When the adults can’t hear themselves anymore, the temptation to yell at them to get quiet or go away becomes the standard without anything being solved.
If the situation has gotten out of hand, it is important to get the children's’ attention, speak calmly, but decisively and give them two or three choices of what they can do. Then, it is important to talk about their noise level and give them strict instructions of where they can do it. Wait there until they have begun their choice of activity and then praise them for playing nicely.
If the adult conversation drags on, but the children have behaved in a parent approved manner, briefly excuse yourself and go praise the children. Brag on the behaviors that you witnessed and tell them why you like it. Then give them an approximate time of how much longer you will be involved with the other adult.
It is always helpful to give them some ideas of when it is okay to interrupt the adults. When someone gets hurt, someone is hurting another child or someone is doing something dangerous are all good examples of when to interrupt an adult.
Communicating what is going to happen, listing your expectations, giving choices of possible activities they can do, following-through with consequences and praising good behavior are preventative measures that adults can use when teaching their children how to behave both at home and in public.
Donna has worked with children for many years and has great ideas to share with moms.
After raising kids and being a public school teacher, Jamye as accumulated fun activities to do with the family.
Anne Clement is the mother of two daughters and has devised great strategies of helping them develop to their fullest.
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